[Abduxel is more deeply conflicted now than he has been in a long time. It doesn't rival the cognitive dissonance that Lucifer causes, not by a mile, but it far eclipses anything else he's dealt with in the last... years.
He feels thrilled, drunk on power, energized to get what he wants, to see Tobias suffer, to have such an impact, to flex the muscles of his power and show someone what awe they should owe him.
And he feels disgusting and inhuman, cruel and evil, maybe even a little ashamed. He tries to rationalize this away instantly to soothe over that fractured, unmatching pair of feelings. Toby made this deal. Toby suggested it. Toby made his own choices in the memory. Toby took Dorian from me. Toby knew what he was getting into. Toby deserved it. None of this is my fault. I am a demon. I am a perfect demon. Lucifer told me so. There is nothing wrong with doing what I am supposed to do. This is right. I should be glad to be inhuman. I am powerful.
He watches Toby silently with a dry mouth, before he just comes to sit cross-legged on the ground beside him, watching his face, feeling a bit stuck in the rut of inaction. He clears his throat gently, and then says loudly:]
no subject
He feels thrilled, drunk on power, energized to get what he wants, to see Tobias suffer, to have such an impact, to flex the muscles of his power and show someone what awe they should owe him.
And he feels disgusting and inhuman, cruel and evil, maybe even a little ashamed. He tries to rationalize this away instantly to soothe over that fractured, unmatching pair of feelings. Toby made this deal. Toby suggested it. Toby made his own choices in the memory. Toby took Dorian from me. Toby knew what he was getting into. Toby deserved it. None of this is my fault. I am a demon. I am a perfect demon. Lucifer told me so. There is nothing wrong with doing what I am supposed to do. This is right. I should be glad to be inhuman. I am powerful.
He watches Toby silently with a dry mouth, before he just comes to sit cross-legged on the ground beside him, watching his face, feeling a bit stuck in the rut of inaction. He clears his throat gently, and then says loudly:]
Tobias.