hisheartsdesire | [ic] Contact

[How should he put this? He doesn't want to reference dying, not in any capacity. Because watching the sunrise was one thing—Dorian doesn't know about that little experiment with Abduxel.]

I... don't know. I've never felt this way before, it's strange. [A beat, and another swaying step.] It's everywhere.

[ Whaaaaaat the hell. ]

What are you talking about? What's everywhere?

Screaming, somewhere inside and all around. The other times that I—

[He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to admit that he died again, but he should.]

The other times I came back, there's never been anything like this. It's like I'm hearing things, sensing things. I don't know where from.

That didn't happen when I came back either, [ Dorian admitted, with a frown on his face. But, admittedly, he had only died once. Maybe this was just something that happened when you died twice? Or maybe this was just some strange vampire response to death—Dorian had absolutely no idea. ]

We'll figure it out, though.

[He gives a series of small nods but has difficulty feeling reassured. Rather, he still feels queasy.]

You're right. Perhaps I'm still a little overwhelmed by what happened.

I don't blame you, [ Dorian muttered, with a small little frown. ] But hey, no matter what it is, getting you out of this park and back home can only help.

[Having been holding Dorian's hand, Toby now gives it a squeeze.] Thank you, Dorian. I love you...

[It also takes them some time moving from the park to the Porter, and while Dorian seems better by the moment, Toby doesn't seem much better. Though at least he isn't any worse. Still, they take the Porter to Maurtia Falls, and it seems that Toby's better off than when they'd been in Heropa. The screaming isn't quite as loud now that there's some distance between him and Drew, but he hasn't made that connection as of yet.

When they finally get to their apartment, Toby seems to breathe a little easier but otherwise seems... well, ill. Still, he tries to settle down; he needs to decide where to begin and how much he wants Dorian to know.]

So... I probably ought to explain, yeah?

[ Dorian was paying attention to Toby all the while, trying to see how he felt, how he was doing, trying to get any sort of gauge on the man's status right now. Because this was strange and new and a little bit confusing.

So, when they get home, when they're trying to settle down and while Dorian's watching Toby like a hawk, he can't help but nod. ]

Ah, sure. If you want to, that is. I'd certainly like an explanation, at least.

[To think that Drew still hunted him down despite his protestations and apologies... Toby is still shocked and stunned into disbelief. No, he really should've waited for Drew and told him in person rather than running right back to Dorian. But did he really deserve to die because of it?

He settles on the couch, shuddering again as the screaming and hatred within him crest, and it's all so much that Toby's fingers curl around the cushion and squeeze. Tightly. Once the feeling passes, he lets out a tired sigh.

It's probably for the best not to mention Drew just yet. Not until he understands what happened, and why. This is just a phase, yeah? Like when Lucy was mad at him; this time, it's just Drew, he'll come around someday. Maybe Dorian won't ever have to know—like the first time, when Abduxel's spell didn't quite work out as it should've.]

I was walking through Heropa when someone followed me. Didn't seem unusual at first, but then I noticed they were trying to catch up with me. There was something unsettling about it, so I ran, and they started chasing me down. I panicked and didn't know where to go, realized it'd only be a matter of time before they caught up. Thinking I didn't want anyone to get hurt, I stopped at that clearing. We got into a fight, and... I obviously lost.

[But he didn't just lose the fight; he lost his life in the process.]

[ Dorian knows that parts of this aren't adding up. Why would someone attack and kill Toby? Usually muggers just stole wallets and left. They'd beat you up, sure, but killing? Why didn't Toby kill this person in retaliation? Nobody would fault him for it, he would be acting in self-defense and he certainly didn't want to die. Besides, these things happen.

No, Dorian's going to keep his mouth shut on that for now. Toby'll tell him more details when he's ready. Right now he's going to be helpful, caring, and supportive. ]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It...it shouldn't happen to anyone, but especially not to you. [ Not to his Toby. ]

[Toby realizes his story doesn't check out, he knows Dorian doesn't actually buy it, but. In spite of what seems to be the strangest and most nauseating headache he's ever had, Toby somehow feels the slightest relief that Dorian isn't poking at its holes and how it's incongruous with reality in general.

Still, after Dorian's comments, he continues,]

...When I came back, it was almost evening. The sun had already started to set, and I hid among the shadows, covered up as best I could. For the most part, it worked.

[After a beat or two,] Am I really so exceptional, Dorian? Am I really so different from everyone else?

[Because why shouldn't Toby prompt Dorian if he wanted to flatter his heart's desire? It might be just what he needs to feel better and not really think of how sick he feels...]

[ What a silly question, Dorian can't help but think as he gives Toby a gentle smile. ]

You are to me.

[ and that's the truth. Dorian didn't know what other people saw in Toby, what they thought of the vampire, but at least for Dorian? Toby was absolutely perfect. He was beautiful, kind, caring, a beacon of light in Dorian's life. That gentle smile continues as Dorian gives Toby a look that's pure adoration. ]

[In return, Toby gives Dorian a small, abashed smile.

Teasing,] Oh, come now. You say that to everyone.

Well yeah, but it's true with regards to you.

[ That small smile is responded to by Dorian's gentle smile growing even bigger as he leans in to cuddle up next to Toby. ] I love you so much.

[He allows Dorian to cuddle up with him, then presses his forehead against Dorian's. The screaming grows a little louder, and Toby inwardly cringes at it as he squeezes his eyes shut.]

I love you too, Dorian... [The pain becomes enough that he quietly winces.] Oh, I... wish I knew what's happening...

Hey, we'll figure this out eventually, [ said with a small smile, as he reached over to give Toby a low, gentle hug. ] Don't worry too much about it.

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