hisheartsdesire | [ic] Contact

[ Ding ding ding, the answer is definitely yes. Dorian can't help but scowl, lips molding into a frown as that scowl quickly turns into a pout. ]

I don't need the attention of that idiot. [ But he still wants it. ] Besides, he was the one who sought me out in the first place! He knows I'm interesting!

[ But, then again, Chilton only sought him out because of his public, messy death at the hands of Yuri Petrov. Dorian had enough confidence in his own ego to know that he's interesting, to know that he's important, no matter what Chilton or anyone else said. ]

Besides, I've already got a book written about me. Chilton writes trade paperback schlock, mass market appeal at the expense of actual taste. Even if I didn't have Oscar's work, I'd rather someone write about me who doesn't try to appeal for idiot twenty-somethings.

[Oh, Dorian. Don't be like this, it's becoming more and more difficult to stay angry with you!

At any rate, there's a new piece of information—Toby hadn't known that Chilton had approached Dorian first. But why would he have done that? Did he want to lure Dorian in, to use and manipulate him in some way? And was that the point of whatever, whoever Dorian's project was?

Because Toby doesn't take well to that idea at all. No, instead his anger may find a new target if Dorian knows how to spin it. If Dorian wants it to happen and knows that now would be the perfect time to spin it, that is.]

All right, all right. So, what's all this about a project, then? Something about finding someone to work on... to turn away from Chilton or otherwise break?

[Was Dorian out for Chilton simply because the psychiatrist found him boring, or was there more to it than just that?]

I don't know how we got to that point in the first place, [ Dorian mulls, frowning slightly as he tries to think back to what had happened. God, he hates admitting that. And he's still borderline pouting as he continues. ]

We were talking about people leaving. I said something like I wouldn't let anybody leave me unless I wanted them to. I assume Chilton said something like 'prove it', find a project to work to pull towards me, to get their attention to show that I can. I picked Will and proceeded to attempt to fuck Will over just to make a point to Chilton.

[Alas, Dorian either missed or purposefully skipped out on the opportunity to paint Chilton as untrustworthy. At any rate, Toby wonders what Dorian means about people leaving. So far as any imPort knows, there's no stopping the Porter from bringing people here or returning them to their respective homes.]

Hold on. How do you mean, "people leaving"? As in, when it comes to relationships?

[A truly close and intimate relationship with Dorian Gray isn't necessarily easy to come by. For both him and Toby, people come and go so easily. It's difficult to entrust others with their secrets, the details of their lives, their perspectives as immortals, and so on.

Still, is that what Chilton had wanted? That Dorian should find and manipulate someone, and keep that person wrapped around his little finger just to prove that he could do it? That he's so much more than Chilton thinks, that he's devious and cunning and worthy of attention?

That really wouldn't surprise Toby. Still, it'd be good to know.]

As in when it comes to relationships, friendships, all of the above.

[ After all, this is Dorian Gray, the man who gets super pissy and huffy when someone dares imply he's not interesting. The person who took Toby finding him boring as a personal offense, trying to hound him down and win him over...some way or another. ]

It doesn't help that Chilton first got in contact with me after Petrov murdered me. I think that colored our conversations more than each of us realized.

[ Yuri Petrov, a man Dorian could have loved and could have spent forever with, had it not been for the whole crazy murder thing. ]

[Dorian's response is met with a series of small nods of understanding... until he mentions Petrov, because then Toby stops to think about all this. The topic of conversation, the damage Dorian has done and is trying to repair... because Dorian felt betrayed and wanted to prove he could keep someone close to him whilst simultaneously hurting someone else.

Dorian's feelings for Yuri were strong enough that he could replace Toby, couldn't he? Oh, it makes Toby sick. He hates that Dorian fell for Yuri, he hates that Yuri came to love Dorian and killed him anyway, and he hates that he can't just make Yuri forget all about Dorian. What's more, even if he did do something like that, it would only make Dorian work that much harder to get Yuri's attention!

So Toby's expression sours, gradually changing into a look that's a mix of sulky, wounded disgust.]

...Because you wanted him back, didn't you? [He swallows.] I mean, even after what happened, you still. Wanted. And if you couldn't have him, then his attention might have been enough, but he'd been Ported out, so you needed to do something. And that's how you came up with this project, this idea that Chilton gave you. You got buried so deep in it, didn't even matter that I showed up.

[It's hard, not being good enough to get Dorian back from all this, all the things that happened in this world, the ways it's affected him as an unchanging man. That hurt shows, it bleeds into his pained tone of voice, the way he's on the verge of just breaking down, the way he looks ready to storm away and never return.]

Toby, all of this started when you weren't here and continued when we were on our break.

[ Dorian's trying to be gentle, trying to be calm, but there's an underlying hint of aggravation in his voice. Did Toby always think that he wouldn't be good enough? Was this something that Dorian would have to do time and time again, reassure Toby that he was good enough, that he did matter, that Dorian picked him for a reason?

He'd gladly do that time and time again. After all, he loved Toby. But Dorian, king of ego and self-image, can't help but be a little bit put out that Toby's narcissism doesn't match his own. ]

I don't care about Chilton anymore. Hell, I don't care about Petrov any more. I married you, didn't I?

[ and doesn't that say something? ]

[...Toby has to give him that much. Because it's true, and Dorian chose to cast everyone else aside just for Toby. And sure, Dorian hadn't exactly been thrilled at the idea of marriage, but here they are now. Together, for better or worse. This just happens to be one of the worse parts, right?

Oh, why can't it just be better all the time?

Besides, Toby had promised to trust Dorian. It's just so difficult when Dorian winds up coming to him with things like this, destroying their relationships with how many others? Maybe back in their world, Toby wouldn't be so inclined to care, but the way things have worked out in this world so far have forced him out of that idealistic bubble. Whether they like it or not, they should at least attempt to be even slightly mindful of the world around them.

Well, that. And Toby sort of actually cares for other imPorts more than he realises or would admit.]

You're right. [His expression softens with understanding as he rises from his seat to approach Dorian. Moving to take a place by Dorian's side,] I owe you an apology. Because really, you're the most wonderful person I know, and I. Well.

[Toby knows he's been so terribly possessive and demanding since arriving here.]

I could stand to be more grateful and appreciative, first of all.

[Dorian went through with his scheme, trying to break will and bother Chilton, yeah. But like he'd just said, he's done with Chilton, and as for Yuri? It looks like Toby really shouldn't worry about him any longer. At any rate, all of that was a mistake. A really big, messy, and complicated mistake, but still a mistake. Toby makes those, and Dorian does, too.

Taking Dorian's hand into his cold one,]

I'm sorry, dear. I really shouldn't have... [ made it all about himself? True, but, ] You know. Made all of this into such an ordeal. It's not like you could've known it would all lead to this.

[Definitely nailed it this time, right? Regardless, he maintains eye contact as he lifts Dorian's hand to press his lips on Dorian's knuckles.]

[ Dorian doesn't say 'yeah you owe me an apology' but he's kind of thinking it. Does Toby think he's so unfaithful that he'll drop him like yesterday's news? What exactly does Dorian need to do to change that? Because if he can, he's going to attempt to find a way to do so.

As Toby kisses Dorian's hand, Dorian reaches around Toby's waist with his other hand, pulling the vampire closer to him. ]

Trust me. If I knew this would have happened, I'd have jumped ship months ago. [ and that much is true. ] But thank you, Toby. Thank you for understanding.

[ At least he hopes Toby understands. Oh buddy, please understand. ]

[No, Dorian. He just is extremely possessive and can't stand that you and he should want or need other people at all! And worse, having been gone—Thirty. Years. Toby!—for so long, coming to this place to find out about another man notable enough that Dorian could've replaced him!

All the same, seeing the mistakes Toby himself had made in his first few months... It seems so easy to do that, find someone to be comfortable with in a place like this. But that's why he'd wanted to marry Dorian in the first place, why it hurt when Dorian first rejected him.

Shaking his head, looking somewhat embarrassed with pleading eyes,] I mean, really. I should've been that way from the very start.

[It's so nice being close to Dorian, being wanted and especially loved by Dorian.]

I just want you so. much, I get carried away, and I don't even express enough just how grateful I am. To you and everything you do...

[ Dorian just cuddles up next to Toby. This is good! Toby being grateful, Toby not being too mad, Toby still wanting him. This fiasco was a goddamn fiasco, but if Toby and he still managed to push through this, then that would be absolutely worth it. ]

I'm grateful to you too, [ Dorian can't help but muse, giving Toby a small little smile. ] I'm sure getting thrown into all a different world was chaotic as is, having to deal with my drama on top of it? You're a veritable saint.

[ because hoo boy does Dorian know he has drama. He's Dorian Gray, drama is just part of the package. ]

I appreciate it, you're more than a handful! [Said with a teasing chuckle and then a soft sigh.

While Toby hasn't exactly forgotten the most recent feelings of frustration and betrayal, he's more focused on looking at that beautiful face. It's gone from frowning and upset to one of those tentative and tender little smiles. So Toby settles against Dorian and takes in simply being with Dorian.]

At least, try not to get into so much trouble, dear. Please?

[ Yeah, Dorian looks straight up sheepish at this. Whoops. His bad. He knows he's a bit of a horrible person and also so difficult to get along with. And yet, Toby loves him still. ]

That's the least I can do, I suppose. I'll only pick fights in private. [ a pause ] I'm joking, of course.

[At the mention of picking fights in private, Toby quickly shoots an almost alarmed glance at Dorian's face and searches his expression for the duration of the pause.

Toby actually chuckles at Dorian's joke, his expression softening into one of relief.]

I know, I know. I just wanted to be sure. Can't leave you alone for two seconds... and it's not like I ever want to.

[Seriously, why do they have to spend any time at all, ever, away from each other?]

Mmm, that's wonderful to hear. [ He says, as he snuggles closer towards Toby, little grin on his face. ]

Because I feel the same. I don't want to leave you alone either. Not now, not ever.

[ic] Contact

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