[ic] Contact

[hisheartsdesire]

Tobias may one day learn to change the greeting on his voicemail. Until then, there's only the default.

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text; until otherwise specified

[hisheartsdesire]

I doubt you were planning to tell me, at any rate.

permavid

[brushoff]

Of course I was planning to tell you! I- [ and there's a small hitch in Dorian's voice before he continues ] I love you.

[hisheartsdesire]

I'm not coming home.

[brushoff]

...what?

[hisheartsdesire]

[He can't help feeling torn up, as if everything he's done has been a terrible mistake.]

I need time and space to reflect on things.
If it's not your fault, then it's mine.
And I need time to cope with that.
Sorry.

[brushoff]

[ Dorian just can't help it. His expression is crushed. He thought he could keep it together. He was hoping he could keep it together. But Dorian Gray? Is borderline not keeping it together. ]

It's not your fault either! This was...it was just a misunderstanding, alright? A stupid silly misunderstanding.

[hisheartsdesire]

No, it wasn't stupid or silly.
I didn't even know what precarious situation you were in.
And I ran off without waiting for an explanation.
It's all messed up now. I'm the one who did it.

[How is he supposed to face Dorian now?]

[brushoff]

Toby, you didn't do anything wrong. Nobody knew about this. She was...say what you will about her, but she was damn good at keeping it under control.

[ he can't help but sniffle a bit. Dorian's not crying. It's...allergies. not crying ]

This isn't your fault.

[hisheartsdesire]

But I did, and at the time it seemed completely justified.
Now I know it isn't, and that I was wrong.
I don't know how to deal with something like this.

[brushoff]

You move on. You let it go, you move on, and you come back home.

[hisheartsdesire]

Maybe that's how you deal with it, Dorian.
But I don't think that I can.

[brushoff]

Well then find some other way of dealing with it! I miss you, Toby. I want to see you.

[hisheartsdesire]

After all this, I don't deserve to see you.
Sorry.

[This would be so much easier if Dorian could actually be mad at him. Because then he wouldn't feel so stupid and ashamed as he does right now, for suspecting Dorian was with someone else and covering it up with excuses. What's worse, it bothers him that he wouldn't mind Drew having him again; in fact, he almost craves the heat and passion and attentiveness...]

Please understand.
I don't want to ask too much of you.
But I really need time and space to work this out.

[brushoff]

[ He doesn't want to do this. Dorian does not want this to happen. So he just kind of stares at the camera before. ]

Okay. If you truly think you need it, then I'll...I'll give you that time and space. But I've still got your stuff! And I'm holding it hostage so that you'll have to come and see me sometime. [ he knows it sounds childish. But Dorian's tone of voice is so much more yearning, so much more pleading than simply petty childishness. ]

[hisheartsdesire]

Thank you.
And I'm sorry.

[brushoff]

Don't be.