hisheartsdesire | [ic] Contact

Let's see… [He's not feigning the actual thought he's putting into this.]

To say I've done anything remarkable would be complete bollocks. But starting from the beginning, I informed Drew Warner of my release. Because once the nullifier was off, both of us would feel the effects of the werewolf bond again, and it could be so disorientating and disruptive when it first happens. But all that vanished not long afterward, and I made mention of it on the network that I thought he might have been Ported out.

While I was at it, I also mentioned my time in prison and made the, uh, public service announcement that I'm a vampire. [Toby stresses PSA like he's just testing out a brand new term, but it's clear that outing himself and actually telling other people about it himself isn't easy for him. Not after roughly two hundred sixty years of keeping it from others. Back home, Dorian's really the only one who knows about it—anyone else who might possibly know is either dead or gone.] There's no point in keeping secret my nature and the things that I've done.

[Nor is there any point in expanding on that.]

Not long after that, keeping abreast of the political tensions and the volatile atmosphere, Dorian and I caught wind about Mexico, turned tail, and ran. I know he's been a twat about the whole thing—though really, when is he not? [And that's said with little to no endearment whatsoever. He took no pride or joy in Dorian being such an asshole during such a desperate time.]

Anyway, I… I saw what was happening, saw the things people said and did and shared on the network, and I did nothing. I lived normally and uneventfully… until it was more or less safe to come back.

Edited 2016-04-08 21:44 (UTC)

[Edgeworth's brow furrows as he tries to take in everything, and finally, he holds his hand up]

Wait a moment - forget Mexico. What did you just say about Warner? And that...bond thing.

[Though Toby is a little surprised by Edgeworth's interest in the werewolf bond, he doesn't hesitate to speak about it.]

He admit to killing me, yeah? When I came back from that, he and I had a bond, the sort that he would normally share with another member of his pack. It was a sort of empathy where we might know each other's feelings through our senses. Negativity could manifest in a disgusting taste in one's mouth or perhaps the sound of a migraine-inducing screaming in one's mind.

[He recalls those times with slight annoyance.]

It was especially terrible at first because he was so angry with me. I felt drunk and incapable of functioning properly, and the pain... it was almost crippling at times.

[Which, in retrospect, explains a great deal of Toby's behavior during their last meeting. Would it be in poor taste to shove their drinks aside and bang his head against the table? Edgeworth decides that yes, it would be, and he settles for a subdued groan]

He, of all people, had no right to be angry with anyone. It was his own damn fault for-

[Edgeworth shuts his mouth and goes for his drink, taking a sip to cool his temper. This isn't a conversation he wants to get into and he knows it]

...nevermind. It's gone completely now, correct?

[Before Edgeworth abandons his remark, Toby shoots him a look—raised eyebrows, wrinkled forehead, and a pointed glare asking whether the other man really wants to go there. But when Edgeworth instead clamps down and takes a drink, Toby is satisfied enough to drop his gaze and return to nursing his own glass.

With a sigh,] Yeah. Totally gone, so far as I know, ever since a few days after my release.

[Momentarily, he considers asking whether that changes anything but ultimately decides against it. Because it's not worth opening that can of worms.

Instead:] So, what's the verdict?

The verdict?

[Edgeworth looks back at Toby for a moment, before turning his attention back to his drink]

Regarding your nature, you mean?

[Edgeworth doesn't mean his status as a vampire, though it would be easy to misread it that way. He means his status as a person.]

In general, Edgeworth.

[This man wordlessly ended their friendship. When Toby confronted him, Edgeworth guilt tripped him into turning himself in. What does Edgeworth want, what does he expect to see, and what's going to happen next?]

What sort of person am I? Does my nature have anything to do with it?

[There's another pause. Another moment of silence. Another brief period of time where Edgeworth refuses to meet Toby's gaze.]

How are you feeding nowadays?

[Edgeworth glances back to him, finally, sipping his drink as he watches Toby's face. It's not an answer, not a direct one. But it's a lead-in to one, assuming Toby isn't too infuriated to answer.]

[His tone is very business as usual, and he's as composed as can be, cool as a cucumber.]

Namely I feed on Dorian nowadays, but as I've mentioned, I keep others informed about my nature. Sometimes, people volunteer to donate; I discuss the details with them, and they provide clear and informed consent.

[He raises the glass to his lips before holding it there instead of taking a sip.] But I don't often drink from others.

[Because Dorian would much rather Toby feed from him, really. Though that detail barely warrants mentioning, and so Toby continues enjoying his drink.]

[So not only does he have Dorian, he has a backup should his relationship with Dorian ever grow cold. Edgeworth nods, and is finally prepared to answer]

I thi- I thought that you were irresponsible. Reckless. However...

[He taps his finger along his glass, and shakes his head]

You've taken responsibility. Not only that, you've found a way to guarantee that there will be no other... accidents in your future.

[Ha. Accidents. That's one way to put what he's done.]

[Accidents. Yes, that's what they were, especially given that Toby's powers are in fact different from the ones he had back home. But both he and Dorian agreed not to tell anyone else, instead maintaining the story that his inability to feed without siring is part of how being a vampire works where they're from. No one else needs to know.

After a moment's silence,] Thank you. I've been trying, after all.

[Still, though. This doesn't tell Toby what Edgeworth wants, or why he'd wanted to know.]

So you've decided what sort of person I am. If I might ask, what for? I mean, why did you want to know?

It's like I said before. Some of my assumptions in the past were... They weren't completely accurate.

[He shrugs, and goes back to his drink.]

I wanted to see if I was wrong about you, as well.

[His tone is stilted when he talks about flawed assumptions, but it quickly becomes as cool and clinical as it was before. As if he was talking about an interesting, but troubling case, and not someone he once considered a friend. However, despite his attempts at cold neutrality, there's still a slight, breathy edge to his tone. He continues to drink, but he's gripping the glass tightly, and his posture is a hair too stiff for him to relax. These are the only hints of emotion that get past his icy exterior.]

That's all...?

[Toby goes quiet again as he studies Edgeworth for some moments. He can see the other man's slight stiffness and the way he clutches his glass. Then he sighs like he's been holding his breath for too long.]

You know, drinks with you used to be more relaxing and enjoyable rather than... whatever things are right now. Good thing I wasn't expecting things to just go back to the way they used to be. [A small sip of his drink.] What got you thinking about your assumptions or how wrong you were about me in the first place? You seemed perfectly content completely abandoning me for months.

[Edgeworth was the one who had cut Toby off without warning after discovering he couldn't take Drew down without implicating Toby as well. He pushed Toby toward the extreme, and altogether avoided his existence until now. That counts as abandonment, doesn't it?]

[Edgeworth clenches his jaw when Toby speaks, but he remains silent, breathing in sharply. His gaze is distant, but after a brief pause, he speaks.]

...there was a boy.

[He had explained, however vaguely, what had changed his mind. But now is the time for more specific details.]

Some teenage brat on a power trip. [He snorts and shakes his head] He had hurt someone who I felt... responsible for, and I wanted him behind bars before his tantrum harmed anyone else. However...

[He breathes in and scowls at the table, shifting uncomfortably in his seat]

...a friend of his intervened. He told me about his powers, and warned me that imprisonment could lead to disastrous results. The boy - he's a psychic, and a powerful one at that. So nullification...

[He sighs, and taps his finger against the glass]

Have you ever seen what happens when someone shakes up a can of soda, or beer, or anything of the sort? Anything carbonated. It's a similar principal. Nullifying him could have put his talents under pressure, and as soon as those restraints are removed...

[He sweeps his arm over the table, in a weak pantomime of an explosion]

...the results could have been lethal, not just for him, but for everyone around him. And, as much as I wanted to see that punk get his just desserts, I decided to take a risk and allow his friend to act as his parole officer. I put through the paperwork to put him in his custody instead, all the while expecting him to go back to his old ways. But...

[He purses his lips together, remaining silent for a moment]

He hasn't. Or at least, he hasn't yet. In fact, I dare say there were moments where the boy acted heroically. And I...

[Edgeworth doesn't admit that he's wrong. He never will. However...]

...it's given me food for thought. About a lot of things, to be honest.

[It's hard and a little painful to hear what Edgeworth would do for one friend but not for another. Toby doesn't know the reason that Edgeworth would be so protective of someone else. But he knows that Edgeworth upholds justice first and foremost, which meant abandoning their friendship because Toby might otherwise tarnish his reputation.

Although he feels somewhat sick with irritation, he listens until Edgeworth finishes.]

And that's why you invited me out this evening, to see if or how I've changed from the... flippantly ignorant monster I was when I first arrived. [Toby scowls.]

How fortunate the boy had someone both considerate and reputable standing up for him. [Someone who probably is nothing like Edgeworth.] Well, I don't measure up to this boy you've mentioned, do I? But I've done what I can to make up for the damage I caused and the lives that I changed, ruined.

[Yet, that isn't enough, is it?]

Well, you've measured up to his level of maturity, if that counts for anything.

[His tone is sharp and he's scowling back at Toby now, looking him in the eye again.]

I was starting to respect you, Toby. You were finally taking responsibility for your actions. You were finally putting self-pity behind you - or so I thought. Are you going to continue acting like an adult, or are you going to start acting like a child again?

[Toby can't help glaring back before deciding not to fight Edgeworth on this one. Because he has a point and really isn't as bad as Ivor.

The fire in his eyes doesn't quite go out so much as it fades into a more neutral expression.]

I'm not going to go back to that. [He huffs, perhaps childishly.] Just now, you reminded me of someone. I thought we were close, I trusted him, and then he turned his back on me. Abandoned me without warning. There's more to it, but really, all of that is beside the point because you aren't him.

To be frank, this... situation, the current state between us mirrors something that has happened before. The main difference is that he betrayed me in almost every possible way, whereas you— [Toby cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, and lets out a heavy sigh.] There's really no point in grudging against you, you aren't him, and I truly enjoyed our friendship. I want to believe there's still hope.

[He has some gall, complaining to him about abandonment. How could he expect him to stand by his side after knowing what he had done? How could he forgive him? Edgeworth scowls into his drink, but considers past events. He considers those he had written off in his past, men and women that he had assumed the worst of until they had proved him wrong. Men and women that he had dared to show mercy and softness towards.

Most importantly, though, he remembers the people who gave him a chance, despite his own secrets and his own misdeeds. When he thinks on their kindness, though, he remembers Toby's calm acceptance of him, and the trust he had shown. His expression grows distant and he breathes heavily, shaking his head.]

...I'm not sure if there is. Toby...

[His voice is quiet and stiff, but when he looks up at him, his voice turns firm.]

How well did we know each other back then? How well did we honestly know one another?

[Toby drops his gaze to process Edgeworth's questions and reflect on things. Though, it honestly hurts that Edgeworth doesn't see hope for restoring their friendship. But then again, Edgeworth had been rather cynical from the start, and Toby guesses he shouldn't have expected that to change. Only while they were still on good terms, it felt like Edgeworth had cast that cynicism aside...]

I don't know. I guess... that when we first met, I saw someone who could use a little help. And that's all right, because everyone could use some once in a while. Sure, you were terribly cynical, but I thought I saw someone lonely in there. Someone who wanted to have friends, to have company, to relax even a little bit once in a while.

[He lets out a tired sigh.]

Beyond that, you have a reputation. And your pride. First and foremost, you uphold justice. You can't just sit back and watch people suffer or destroy each other. You're proactive. [A pause.] Shall I go on, or do you want to talk about me?

[Edgeworth goes tense again. He doesn't need Toby's help and he never did, and the insinuation is nothing less than insulting. But... even if he didn't need his help, he did appreciate his company. He appreciated the distraction from weightier issues. He appreciated how Toby stood by his side, despite the rumors that came out. A weight settles on his chest as his face tightens in a grimace, and when Toby finishes, he shakes his head.]

That... that won't be necessary. But as for you...

[He takes another heavy breath. Another sip from his drink.]

I thought that you were kind. Patient. Gentle, even. But unfortunately, I've known my fair share of kind, gentle people, none of whom were genuine about it. For them, softness was nothing but a mask, a distraction to hide a darker, more vicious nature. When I heard the news of what you had done, I assumed that you were cut from the same cloth as them. However...

[He swallows the lump in his throat and shifts in his chair, adjusting his position]

However, none of them would have taken responsibility for their actions the way you did. They would have continued their act for as long as they could get away with it, and as long as it suited them.

[The first words Edgeworth uses to describe what he'd thought of Toby are definitely not the words Toby would ever use to describe himself. But given thought, he could see where Edgeworth got the misconception, even though it wasn't Toby's intention to mislead the other man.

More importantly, Toby is still misleading people about the fact his power here doesn't work the same way it did back at home. It took some measure of adjusting to, and the fact is that he had performed many deceptions back home. Things might not be so different, Toby himself might not be so changed if it weren't for that. Should anyone here discover this, then what? The thought terrifies him.

Toby thinks that he should come out with it sometime. He maintains a neutral expression.]

I see. I understand now, Edgeworth. And I thank you for seeing some good in me—as well as change. [A pause. It's important to tread carefully.] For the longest time, I have been a believer that there is a certain level of deception involved in any relationship. That people will always have some secret or other.

What are your thoughts on that?

[He purses his lips together, breathing in through his nostrils, not quite meeting Toby's gaze]

There was a time where I had taken that fact for granted, assuming it was the natural state of things. And that's what made relationships so dangerous. You could never tell what secrets a person held in their heart, nor what they would do with yours should they uncover them.

[He breathes out and grips his glass, not lifting it up]

So I avoided them altogether. It seemed safer that way. However...

[He shakes his head]

I've started to question the wisdom in that.

[He nods, understanding. But all the same, he still has something to hide.] So have I.

[He exhales a long, airy breath.]

Since coming here, hiding what I am and what I did has only caused problems. Not just for me, but others. Keeping these secrets... really hasn't been worth all of that. That said, I'm trying to be more open about it and am discovering people are far more accepting about it in this place, during these times.

[That's his way of dealing with the other secret he still keeps. Maybe in time, he'll mention it, but he doesn't want to ruin what's happening now.]

So, I guess all of this begs the question... What now?

[Where do they stand? Is this how it ends, a peaceful, accepting, and fairly understanding parting of ways? Are they starting sort of from scratch but not quite square one? Or are they at something of a neutral in-between?]

To be honest?

[He shrugs and shakes his head]

I don't know, and to be frank, I'm surprised that you still want anything to do with me. Our friendship, as it were, was based on misconceptions. Neither of us were as... kind as the other had hoped for. However...

[He meets Toby's gaze, his expression serious]

Whatever happens, I will hold no grudge against you. I will not hound you, I will not seek punishment, I will not rub salt in your wounds. It's true that you can't change what you've done. However, piling on additional penance won't do any good, either. Simply put, you're not the man I assumed you were when we last met. Like I've said, you've taken responsibility, as best as anyone in your situation can. So long as you continue to do so, I have no reason to mistreat you.

[Edgeworth is right that Toby isn't who Edgeworth thought he was or expected him to be. And Toby wonders that perhaps he'd projected his own thirst for companionship on Edgeworth when they first met. It's possible both of them saw something they desperately wanted or needed to see in the other. Not necessarily from the very beginning, but as something that planted itself in their relationship and only continued to grow as time wore on.

At any rate, they're not exactly starting from scratch or a blank slate, nor are they writing each other off. It's like finding neutral ground, and if their paths cross, then so be it. So again, he solemnly nods.]

Thanks. I think I get it.

[ic] Contact

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wrapping this thread up, i think