Tobias "Toby" Matthews (
hisheartsdesire) wrote2015-11-08 06:56 pm
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[ic] Contact

Tobias may one day learn to change the greeting on his voicemail. Until then, there's only the default.
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**Some thread content may be NSFW**
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What do you mean, you couldn't just stop it? Dorian—!
[Toby doesn't understand. Once upon a time, just being together was more than enough for them. Toby didn't need to kill anyone, Dorian didn't feel the need to do drugs or sleep around... Or come up with stupid schemes to mess other people about, just for the fun of it! Seriously, it could've been just them two being themselves and in love while the entire rest of the world fell apart all around them.
Granted, what was Toby expecting? Thirty. Years. Toby. Dorian had understood and let him die, and then Toby returns expecting Dorian to drop everything and everyone just for him. More so when he'd arrived in this world—Dorian had already built himself a completely new life in a world without Toby. He'd started working on this plan, this project, long before Toby.
But he really couldn't have dropped it, like everything else that fell away when Toby told Dorian to stop? Or, well, if he couldn't drop it, then he couldn't slow down and let it eventually fade away? They're immortals, everything and everyone else in their life withers away in time. So why not this scheme of his?
After slamming his drink onto a nearby table, Toby throws his hands up.]
So this is why you told me. Not to see him. This is why. Will Graham had access to your portrait. Why I met his wife, April; why you're so nice to Sasha. All this!
[His face that could scarcely blush is now filled with colour in all his rage. Not quite red or pink as a human's would be in such fury. No, it's a lot easier to see he's something other than human.]
Did you enjoy it? Was it really so much fun, playing this game of yours?
[The extent of Toby's jealousy, revealed. With him around, why did Dorian need any other playthings?]
You didn't stop me going to someone you so badly wanted to hurt! You let another man carve you up! [And this is after resisting the damn Siren!] And take your organs! From your body! Seriously, did you enjoy that!?
[Because Toby is going to be sick, he can't stand being in the same room as Dorian right now.]
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[ Dorian practically spit out the words, fists clenched, nails digging into his palm. Of course he didn't enjoy it, especially since Will Graham got his revenge, cutting Dorian up simply because he could. A part of him wants to tell Toby that...but what's he going to get in return? An 'I told you so'? A 'you deserved it'? More arguing about somehow Dorian ruined Toby's friendship with Will despite the fact that ]
I'm nice to April and Sasha because I like them. They weren't supposed to get involved in this either. April helped me out when you were in jail, of course I didn't want her dragged into this mess!
[ He can't help but mention Toby's stint in jail because really? That's when all this got kicked into high gear, wasn't it. And, at least in Dorian's mind, Sasha hasn't gotten involved in this. But it's collateral damage. People getting in the way, getting hurt because surprise, people care about each other, a fact which Dorian is just recently discovering. His tone is pleading, trying to hope and pray that he'd get something from Toby that wasn't sheer rage. ]
I shouldn't have even picked them in the first place.
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Still, he starts to calm as Dorian goes on, admitting he actually appreciates April and Sasha before mentioning his stint in prison. Though, that brief mention is enough to reach Toby and remind him that they're really not that much different from one another. And though Dorian just as easily protest as he could attack right now, he doesn't.
Instead, he expresses shallow regret. Toby buries his face in his hands, shakes his head, and sighs.
Lowering his voice but still sounding disappointed,] No. No, you really shouldn't have.
[Another sigh. It's heavy and long-suffering.]
So. What now?
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What now indeed. ]
Hell if I know, [ Dorian admits, with a small little sigh. ] I've already apologized to April and Will...well, we're working on it.
[ slowly but surely and in the worst ways possible. There's absolutely no mention of Chilton because that meeting went exceedingly pear-shaped on all sides. ]
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I see. That sounds all right, then.
[Probably, anyway.
Finally, Toby reaches for his glass, takes a sip of his drink, and contemplates. He swishes it around in his mouth, savouring the smokiness and bite of it before swallowing.
Slowly and quietly,] So... I wasn't supposed to find out about this, was I?
I mean, I know we have our secrets. [And the way it's shaping up, Toby seems to have fewer of those.] I don't expect us to divulge all of them. But this...
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This is something I should have told you months ago, [ Dorian finishes, still a bit slumped over in his chair while still looking directly at Toby. ] And I'm honestly, truly sorry I didn't.
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So, you'll still be friends with April and Will after all that? What about Raina, does she know about this... scheme of yours?
[It's been mentioned that Chilton and Raina have discussed Toby before; they are in a relationship, after all. Just because Dorian is on bad terms with others doesn't mean Toby has to be... is his idea. This is apparently a point of marriage that neither of them really understands.]
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[ But that implies that Chilton and Raina talk in their relationship and they both know that "talking about things" might not be the strong point in a relationship. ]
I haven't actually talked to her about it, if you mean. I doubt she'll take it well.
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[And how could he not? Raina probably was just as protective of Chilton as Toby was for Dorian. Which is why the idea of Dorian allowing himself to be dissected was disgusting utter madness.]
Have you spoken to her at all, recently?
[Are they still on speaking terms? Or does Raina know and choose to avoid Dorian? Should Toby try to speak with her?]
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I'll shoot her a text to find out where she stands.
[ Dorian's got a feeling that she's....not going to be too pleased about all of this. ]
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Then, silence. There's no denying that he's still somewhat angry and disappointed, still processing all his feelings about... all this, this whole debacle.
After some time, he makes a vague gesture like he's pointing at his thoughts somehow manifest near the floor beside him as he speaks.]
Dorian, I want to understand this. Walk me through it from the very beginning. You went to see Chilton for "shits and giggles". As in, you wanted to see how right, or wrong, he was?
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[ After all, 'Dorian Gray'? It's a psychiatrist's wet dream. Just how said psychiatrist would respond to it was the interesting part. ]
I wasn't impressed, [ Dorian bluntly responded. ]
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No? [Toby's expression now is a little less angry and just slightly tired but also somewhat curious.] Go on.
[Besides, he especially wants to know the part about Dorian finding "someone to work on".]
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He's good at provoking reactions. It's...I got the impression that he wanted me to be sort of interestingly dangerous. I mean, he wrote a book about one of his patients, for fuck's sake, Chilton's not the sort of man who'd take a patient who's simply depressed.
[ And isn't the point of the mental health position to help everybody? ]
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Toby looks down at the floor, sighing as he suppresses the urge to laugh. Then, he shakes his head before turning back to Dorian, his tone just slightly mocking.]
So he said you were boring, is that it? You wanted to be special enough that he'd write a book about you... Even though he's not really anybody, is he? [He sneers.] Is his opinion really so important to you, were you truly so desperate to be interesting to someone like him?
[He knows the answer is yes, but he wants to see how Dorian will take this response. Will it change just because Toby's belittling Chilton and Dorian at the same time?]
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I don't need the attention of that idiot. [ But he still wants it. ] Besides, he was the one who sought me out in the first place! He knows I'm interesting!
[ But, then again, Chilton only sought him out because of his public, messy death at the hands of Yuri Petrov. Dorian had enough confidence in his own ego to know that he's interesting, to know that he's important, no matter what Chilton or anyone else said. ]
Besides, I've already got a book written about me. Chilton writes trade paperback schlock, mass market appeal at the expense of actual taste. Even if I didn't have Oscar's work, I'd rather someone write about me who doesn't try to appeal for idiot twenty-somethings.
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At any rate, there's a new piece of information—Toby hadn't known that Chilton had approached Dorian first. But why would he have done that? Did he want to lure Dorian in, to use and manipulate him in some way? And was that the point of whatever, whoever Dorian's project was?
Because Toby doesn't take well to that idea at all. No, instead his anger may find a new target if Dorian knows how to spin it. If Dorian wants it to happen and knows that now would be the perfect time to spin it, that is.]
All right, all right. So, what's all this about a project, then? Something about finding someone to work on... to turn away from Chilton or otherwise break?
[Was Dorian out for Chilton simply because the psychiatrist found him boring, or was there more to it than just that?]
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We were talking about people leaving. I said something like I wouldn't let anybody leave me unless I wanted them to. I assume Chilton said something like 'prove it', find a project to work to pull towards me, to get their attention to show that I can. I picked Will and proceeded to attempt to fuck Will over just to make a point to Chilton.
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Hold on. How do you mean, "people leaving"? As in, when it comes to relationships?
[A truly close and intimate relationship with Dorian Gray isn't necessarily easy to come by. For both him and Toby, people come and go so easily. It's difficult to entrust others with their secrets, the details of their lives, their perspectives as immortals, and so on.
Still, is that what Chilton had wanted? That Dorian should find and manipulate someone, and keep that person wrapped around his little finger just to prove that he could do it? That he's so much more than Chilton thinks, that he's devious and cunning and worthy of attention?
That really wouldn't surprise Toby. Still, it'd be good to know.]
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[ After all, this is Dorian Gray, the man who gets super pissy and huffy when someone dares imply he's not interesting. The person who took Toby finding him boring as a personal offense, trying to hound him down and win him over...some way or another. ]
It doesn't help that Chilton first got in contact with me after Petrov murdered me. I think that colored our conversations more than each of us realized.
[ Yuri Petrov, a man Dorian could have loved and could have spent forever with, had it not been for the whole crazy murder thing. ]
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Dorian's feelings for Yuri were strong enough that he could replace Toby, couldn't he? Oh, it makes Toby sick. He hates that Dorian fell for Yuri, he hates that Yuri came to love Dorian and killed him anyway, and he hates that he can't just make Yuri forget all about Dorian. What's more, even if he did do something like that, it would only make Dorian work that much harder to get Yuri's attention!
So Toby's expression sours, gradually changing into a look that's a mix of sulky, wounded disgust.]
...Because you wanted him back, didn't you? [He swallows.] I mean, even after what happened, you still. Wanted. And if you couldn't have him, then his attention might have been enough, but he'd been Ported out, so you needed to do something. And that's how you came up with this project, this idea that Chilton gave you. You got buried so deep in it, didn't even matter that I showed up.
[It's hard, not being good enough to get Dorian back from all this, all the things that happened in this world, the ways it's affected him as an unchanging man. That hurt shows, it bleeds into his pained tone of voice, the way he's on the verge of just breaking down, the way he looks ready to storm away and never return.]
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[ Dorian's trying to be gentle, trying to be calm, but there's an underlying hint of aggravation in his voice. Did Toby always think that he wouldn't be good enough? Was this something that Dorian would have to do time and time again, reassure Toby that he was good enough, that he did matter, that Dorian picked him for a reason?
He'd gladly do that time and time again. After all, he loved Toby. But Dorian, king of ego and self-image, can't help but be a little bit put out that Toby's narcissism doesn't match his own. ]
I don't care about Chilton anymore. Hell, I don't care about Petrov any more. I married you, didn't I?
[ and doesn't that say something? ]
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Oh, why can't it just be better all the time?
Besides, Toby had promised to trust Dorian. It's just so difficult when Dorian winds up coming to him with things like this, destroying their relationships with how many others? Maybe back in their world, Toby wouldn't be so inclined to care, but the way things have worked out in this world so far have forced him out of that idealistic bubble. Whether they like it or not, they should at least attempt to be even slightly mindful of the world around them.
Well, that. And Toby sort of actually cares for other imPorts more than he realises or would admit.]
You're right. [His expression softens with understanding as he rises from his seat to approach Dorian. Moving to take a place by Dorian's side,] I owe you an apology. Because really, you're the most wonderful person I know, and I. Well.
[Toby knows he's been so terribly possessive and demanding since arriving here.]
I could stand to be more grateful and appreciative, first of all.
[Dorian went through with his scheme, trying to break will and bother Chilton, yeah. But like he'd just said, he's done with Chilton, and as for Yuri? It looks like Toby really shouldn't worry about him any longer. At any rate, all of that was a mistake. A really big, messy, and complicated mistake, but still a mistake. Toby makes those, and Dorian does, too.
Taking Dorian's hand into his cold one,]
I'm sorry, dear. I really shouldn't have... [ made it all about himself? True, but, ] You know. Made all of this into such an ordeal. It's not like you could've known it would all lead to this.
[Definitely nailed it this time, right? Regardless, he maintains eye contact as he lifts Dorian's hand to press his lips on Dorian's knuckles.]
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As Toby kisses Dorian's hand, Dorian reaches around Toby's waist with his other hand, pulling the vampire closer to him. ]
Trust me. If I knew this would have happened, I'd have jumped ship months ago. [ and that much is true. ] But thank you, Toby. Thank you for understanding.
[ At least he hopes Toby understands. Oh buddy, please understand. ]
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All the same, seeing the mistakes Toby himself had made in his first few months... It seems so easy to do that, find someone to be comfortable with in a place like this. But that's why he'd wanted to marry Dorian in the first place, why it hurt when Dorian first rejected him.
Shaking his head, looking somewhat embarrassed with pleading eyes,] I mean, really. I should've been that way from the very start.
[It's so nice being close to Dorian, being wanted and especially loved by Dorian.]
I just want you so. much, I get carried away, and I don't even express enough just how grateful I am. To you and everything you do...
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