hisheartsdesire | [ic] Contact

[Past the pounding of video game firepower, Toby hears Dorian make an unusually quiet entrance. He hadn't bothered greeting Toby on his way in, instead heading straight for the kitchen to prepare their drinks before presenting Toby's choices.

He puts the game on pause and sighs.] ...The. Former. I suppose.

[ Dorian is the king of thinking that everything's fucked up beyond belief. Hence, booze. ]

Well, if you hear Frederick Chilton whinging about organs anytime soon, it's a little bit my fault.

[ It is entirely his fault. Dorian walks into the living room, offering Toby his drink before he takes a sip of his own. ]

[Now turning to actually glance over at Dorian with a stern expression that clearly indicates he'll definitely need more than a one-line summary for this. Chilton has genuinely helped him in the past; in their sessions, he'd always prioritised Toby's needs.]

Okay... [He's quite obviously trying to stay cool and calm about that, but he can't really keep the concern from creeping into his voice.]

And by organs, you mean human organs, don't you?

[As opposed to musical instruments, right? Toby can only guess Dorian's referring to his own, so... Not that Toby's judging, he doesn't really have the right, and yet there's accusation seeping in. And it's begging the very simple question: but why?]

I...well, I do. [ This is going to suck so hard, as shown by Dorian's slightly guilty expression. ]

Months ago, I saw Chilton in a psychiatric capacity, more for shits and giggles than anything else. He suggested I find a project, someone to work on. I picked Will Graham, unfortunately believing the two were actually close and unaware of the fact that I'd actually like Graham later. The general gist was worm my way into Graham's affection, with the intent to turn him away from Chilton or alternatively, to break him entirely. It ended up being the latter, as for some reason, I decided that it would be a great idea to psychologically terrorize him with body parts while continuing to worm my way into his life.

[ this is the man you chose to marry. There's a pause, while Dorian takes a sip of his gin. ]

[Toby's holding off from drinking for now, instead opting to turn his glass in his hands as Dorian speaks. He quietly gives his undivided attention for the entire duration of Dorian's explanation, his expression gradually transitioning through his emotions. From slightly accusing to eye-rolling disbelief, to mild anger, and then turning his face away in hurt and disappointment.

There's a lot to process here. As far as Toby's concerned, he gets along well enough with both Chilton and Will Graham. He'd like to think he's decently acquainted with them without being entirely familiar. Besides, he honestly doesn't know much about Chilton, while the doctor understands how deep he's in with Dorian. Still... Dorian wanted to hurt Chilton and break Will, just for the fun of it. Toby isn't especially tight with them, but they're not half bad.

When he finally speaks, his voice cracks with anger like he's been betrayed, because he has been. Dorian has betrayed him yet again.]

How... How could you do this to me...?

Edited 2016-08-17 17:21 (UTC)

To you?

[ Dorian remarks, with incredulity. He knew that Toby was seeing Chilton in a professional capacity. And he's sure Toby and Will got along just fine, everybody and Will got along just fine. But he didn't expect Toby to actually care about the two of them. As such, Toby's remark just throws Dorian entirely off guard. ]

In an ideal world, you'd have nothing to do with this to begin with!

[ but this isn't an ideal world, is it. Everything's fallen apart around Dorian's head and that's what you get for not doing things like 'including your husband in your plans' and 'being a horrible person.' And Dorian knows that statement sounded horrible so quickly, hurriedly, he amends it. ]

Toby, all this started long before we got married, before you saw Chilton, before you were in jail. I just...I didn't know how to stop it.

[ or if he even wanted to stop it to begin with. ]

[This betrayal doesn't stem from Toby's concern for Chilton or Will's well-being. No, it's because Dorian cared more about going through with it even after Toby's arrival.]

What do you mean, you couldn't just stop it? Dorian—!

[Toby doesn't understand. Once upon a time, just being together was more than enough for them. Toby didn't need to kill anyone, Dorian didn't feel the need to do drugs or sleep around... Or come up with stupid schemes to mess other people about, just for the fun of it! Seriously, it could've been just them two being themselves and in love while the entire rest of the world fell apart all around them.

Granted, what was Toby expecting? Thirty. Years. Toby. Dorian had understood and let him die, and then Toby returns expecting Dorian to drop everything and everyone just for him. More so when he'd arrived in this world—Dorian had already built himself a completely new life in a world without Toby. He'd started working on this plan, this project, long before Toby.

But he really couldn't have dropped it, like everything else that fell away when Toby told Dorian to stop? Or, well, if he couldn't drop it, then he couldn't slow down and let it eventually fade away? They're immortals, everything and everyone else in their life withers away in time. So why not this scheme of his?

After slamming his drink onto a nearby table, Toby throws his hands up.]

So this is why you told me. Not to see him. This is why. Will Graham had access to your portrait. Why I met his wife, April; why you're so nice to Sasha. All this!

[His face that could scarcely blush is now filled with colour in all his rage. Not quite red or pink as a human's would be in such fury. No, it's a lot easier to see he's something other than human.]

Did you enjoy it? Was it really so much fun, playing this game of yours?

[The extent of Toby's jealousy, revealed. With him around, why did Dorian need any other playthings?]

You didn't stop me going to someone you so badly wanted to hurt! You let another man carve you up! [And this is after resisting the damn Siren!] And take your organs! From your body! Seriously, did you enjoy that!?

[Because Toby is going to be sick, he can't stand being in the same room as Dorian right now.]

Of course I didn't enjoy it! It hurt like hell.

[ Dorian practically spit out the words, fists clenched, nails digging into his palm. Of course he didn't enjoy it, especially since Will Graham got his revenge, cutting Dorian up simply because he could. A part of him wants to tell Toby that...but what's he going to get in return? An 'I told you so'? A 'you deserved it'? More arguing about somehow Dorian ruined Toby's friendship with Will despite the fact that ]

I'm nice to April and Sasha because I like them. They weren't supposed to get involved in this either. April helped me out when you were in jail, of course I didn't want her dragged into this mess!

[ He can't help but mention Toby's stint in jail because really? That's when all this got kicked into high gear, wasn't it. And, at least in Dorian's mind, Sasha hasn't gotten involved in this. But it's collateral damage. People getting in the way, getting hurt because surprise, people care about each other, a fact which Dorian is just recently discovering. His tone is pleading, trying to hope and pray that he'd get something from Toby that wasn't sheer rage. ]

I shouldn't have even picked them in the first place.

[While Toby hates the idea of Dorian suffering so, he does feel the slightest sense of relief after Dorian's retort to his accusations. Yes, Will hurt him, but Dorian had more or less asked for that. Toby needed to know that dissection wasn't comparable to feeding, because he knows Dorian could be a glutton for some sorts of punishment. Thankfully, this wasn't one of those things.

Still, he starts to calm as Dorian goes on, admitting he actually appreciates April and Sasha before mentioning his stint in prison. Though, that brief mention is enough to reach Toby and remind him that they're really not that much different from one another. And though Dorian just as easily protest as he could attack right now, he doesn't.

Instead, he expresses shallow regret. Toby buries his face in his hands, shakes his head, and sighs.

Lowering his voice but still sounding disappointed,] No. No, you really shouldn't have.

[Another sigh. It's heavy and long-suffering.]

So. What now?

[ That sigh is not really what Dorian wants to hear. He slinks down further in his chair, a borderline sulk. Toby's disappointed. But in what, Dorian's choice of victim or the fact that he had a victim in the first place? Hell if Dorian knows. And really, until further notice, he's assuming a bit fat both.

What now indeed. ]

Hell if I know, [ Dorian admits, with a small little sigh. ] I've already apologized to April and Will...well, we're working on it.

[ slowly but surely and in the worst ways possible. There's absolutely no mention of Chilton because that meeting went exceedingly pear-shaped on all sides. ]

[Well, Toby isn't expecting Dorian to patch up anything with Chilton... because look how well wanting Dorian and Lucy Pevensie to get along turned out. Whatever, Toby will figure out what to do about Chilton on his own.]

I see. That sounds all right, then.

[Probably, anyway.

Finally, Toby reaches for his glass, takes a sip of his drink, and contemplates. He swishes it around in his mouth, savouring the smokiness and bite of it before swallowing.

Slowly and quietly,] So... I wasn't supposed to find out about this, was I?

I mean, I know we have our secrets. [And the way it's shaping up, Toby seems to have fewer of those.] I don't expect us to divulge all of them. But this...

[ 'I don't expect us to divulge all of them.' Well that hits Dorian like a ton of bricks. Because hoo boy does he have a secret and hoo boy does he simultaneously want to tell Toby what happened back home and also not tell him at all. Now isn't the time, though. If he told Toby now...well, Dorian couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever see Toby again. ]

This is something I should have told you months ago, [ Dorian finishes, still a bit slumped over in his chair while still looking directly at Toby. ] And I'm honestly, truly sorry I didn't.

[After taking another sip of his drink, Toby glances back at Dorian, looking directly at his face and studying his eyes. He swallows when he sees the expression on Dorian's face; he doesn't want Dorian to look so pitiful.]

So, you'll still be friends with April and Will after all that? What about Raina, does she know about this... scheme of yours?

[It's been mentioned that Chilton and Raina have discussed Toby before; they are in a relationship, after all. Just because Dorian is on bad terms with others doesn't mean Toby has to be... is his idea. This is apparently a point of marriage that neither of them really understands.]

I assume she does. I mean, they've been together for ages, haven't they? Surely Chilton's told Raina what was up.

[ But that implies that Chilton and Raina talk in their relationship and they both know that "talking about things" might not be the strong point in a relationship. ]

I haven't actually talked to her about it, if you mean. I doubt she'll take it well.

Naturally—I mean, I'd expect as much.

[And how could he not? Raina probably was just as protective of Chilton as Toby was for Dorian. Which is why the idea of Dorian allowing himself to be dissected was disgusting utter madness.]

Have you spoken to her at all, recently?

[Are they still on speaking terms? Or does Raina know and choose to avoid Dorian? Should Toby try to speak with her?]

I haven't spoken to her since this all came out into the open. [ said with a vague hand gesture. This all. This all, this everything with regards to Dorian and his organs and Will Graham. ]

I'll shoot her a text to find out where she stands.

[ Dorian's got a feeling that she's....not going to be too pleased about all of this. ]

All right. [Said with a small series of nods before Toby returns to his drink—he needs it, after all.

Then, silence. There's no denying that he's still somewhat angry and disappointed, still processing all his feelings about... all this, this whole debacle.

After some time, he makes a vague gesture like he's pointing at his thoughts somehow manifest near the floor beside him as he speaks.]

Dorian, I want to understand this. Walk me through it from the very beginning. You went to see Chilton for "shits and giggles". As in, you wanted to see how right, or wrong, he was?

Correct, [ Dorian simply responds, with a nod. ] I know he's been helpful to you but honestly, I don't trust the man. I saw him for a little while, just to see what he was like, what he would say to a special case like myself.

[ After all, 'Dorian Gray'? It's a psychiatrist's wet dream. Just how said psychiatrist would respond to it was the interesting part. ]

I wasn't impressed, [ Dorian bluntly responded. ]

[Indeed, what psychiatrist wouldn't want a chance to study the morally ambiguous subject or protagonist of Oscar Wilde's most prominent and controversial work?]

No? [Toby's expression now is a little less angry and just slightly tired but also somewhat curious.] Go on.

[Besides, he especially wants to know the part about Dorian finding "someone to work on".]

Well, he kept trying to put words in my mouth, [ Dorian remarked, with a frown, thinking back to all those sessions all those months ago. It's literally been over a year and in between those few times he went home, Dorian's honestly struggling to remember. ]

He's good at provoking reactions. It's...I got the impression that he wanted me to be sort of interestingly dangerous. I mean, he wrote a book about one of his patients, for fuck's sake, Chilton's not the sort of man who'd take a patient who's simply depressed.

[ And isn't the point of the mental health position to help everybody? ]

[Really, Dorian's explanation is almost laughable to Toby. One doesn't have to be a genius to figure out which of Dorian's buttons to press to get certain reactions. That's how Toby came about baiting Dorian into a relationship in the first place, mingling with the same crowd as Dorian and repeatedly mocking and rejecting him, pretending to think nothing of him while wanting him and biding his time to obtain him. For all of Dorian Gray's spontaneity, there's a quick and easy method to him.

Toby looks down at the floor, sighing as he suppresses the urge to laugh. Then, he shakes his head before turning back to Dorian, his tone just slightly mocking.]

So he said you were boring, is that it? You wanted to be special enough that he'd write a book about you... Even though he's not really anybody, is he? [He sneers.] Is his opinion really so important to you, were you truly so desperate to be interesting to someone like him?

[He knows the answer is yes, but he wants to see how Dorian will take this response. Will it change just because Toby's belittling Chilton and Dorian at the same time?]

[ Ding ding ding, the answer is definitely yes. Dorian can't help but scowl, lips molding into a frown as that scowl quickly turns into a pout. ]

I don't need the attention of that idiot. [ But he still wants it. ] Besides, he was the one who sought me out in the first place! He knows I'm interesting!

[ But, then again, Chilton only sought him out because of his public, messy death at the hands of Yuri Petrov. Dorian had enough confidence in his own ego to know that he's interesting, to know that he's important, no matter what Chilton or anyone else said. ]

Besides, I've already got a book written about me. Chilton writes trade paperback schlock, mass market appeal at the expense of actual taste. Even if I didn't have Oscar's work, I'd rather someone write about me who doesn't try to appeal for idiot twenty-somethings.

[Oh, Dorian. Don't be like this, it's becoming more and more difficult to stay angry with you!

At any rate, there's a new piece of information—Toby hadn't known that Chilton had approached Dorian first. But why would he have done that? Did he want to lure Dorian in, to use and manipulate him in some way? And was that the point of whatever, whoever Dorian's project was?

Because Toby doesn't take well to that idea at all. No, instead his anger may find a new target if Dorian knows how to spin it. If Dorian wants it to happen and knows that now would be the perfect time to spin it, that is.]

All right, all right. So, what's all this about a project, then? Something about finding someone to work on... to turn away from Chilton or otherwise break?

[Was Dorian out for Chilton simply because the psychiatrist found him boring, or was there more to it than just that?]

I don't know how we got to that point in the first place, [ Dorian mulls, frowning slightly as he tries to think back to what had happened. God, he hates admitting that. And he's still borderline pouting as he continues. ]

We were talking about people leaving. I said something like I wouldn't let anybody leave me unless I wanted them to. I assume Chilton said something like 'prove it', find a project to work to pull towards me, to get their attention to show that I can. I picked Will and proceeded to attempt to fuck Will over just to make a point to Chilton.

[Alas, Dorian either missed or purposefully skipped out on the opportunity to paint Chilton as untrustworthy. At any rate, Toby wonders what Dorian means about people leaving. So far as any imPort knows, there's no stopping the Porter from bringing people here or returning them to their respective homes.]

Hold on. How do you mean, "people leaving"? As in, when it comes to relationships?

[A truly close and intimate relationship with Dorian Gray isn't necessarily easy to come by. For both him and Toby, people come and go so easily. It's difficult to entrust others with their secrets, the details of their lives, their perspectives as immortals, and so on.

Still, is that what Chilton had wanted? That Dorian should find and manipulate someone, and keep that person wrapped around his little finger just to prove that he could do it? That he's so much more than Chilton thinks, that he's devious and cunning and worthy of attention?

That really wouldn't surprise Toby. Still, it'd be good to know.]

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